standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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