He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
