that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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