I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
we're so committed to being not committed
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
