I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
