I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
