i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
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