I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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