i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
