the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
