Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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