bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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