Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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