could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
