Sponge bath it is.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
