Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
