i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
