so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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