Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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