I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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