it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
