Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
