Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's blow job season.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
