The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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