someone get that fucking seahorse.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
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