I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
