ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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