But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
