if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
