Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
