Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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