i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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