Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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