Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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