This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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