for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
