sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Someone signed my nipple.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
