Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
