Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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