Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
