I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
