My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
