so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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