Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
