No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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