I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
