he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
