Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
