I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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