She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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