I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
