it wasn't lemon gatorade
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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